A mother is someone who wants nothing but happiness for their child or children. This is not just true for biological mothers but also for stepmoms as well. A mother is at the end of the day a mother.
They say maternal instincts are present in all women and that it is not necessary for a woman to have been a biological mother to have these instincts. A biological mother develops these instincts the moment she gives birth. But a stepmom develops these instincts and emotions through association.
What is a letter to biological mom from stepmom?
A letter to biological mom from stepmom is an important communication medium between very important people in the child’s life. It is a letter letting the biological mother know her child is well cared for and is feeling loved.
Why must you send a letter to biological mom from stepmom?
It is very important for a child, especially young ones, to see their stepmom and biological mom be on cordial terms at least. It makes the child whole and not prone to insecurities or self-doubt. The society we live in invariably wants biological moms and stepmoms to be pitted against each other. I am sure each one of us know some biological moms and stepmoms who have challenged this societal expectation and come out with flying colors. At the end of the day what both want is for their child to be happy. They need to communicate this with each other. We will see how to write letters to a biological mother from a stepmom in this article.
But first we have to understand why communication between the mothers is important.
One of the first things to remember as a step mom is that she is not here to replace the biological mom. She has walked into a family and wants nothing more than to be a part of it.
Once the stepmom is part of the family, communication between the biological mom and the step mom is very crucial.
When should you send your letter to biological mom from stepmom?
There is no fixed timeline for writing these letters. A letter to biological mom from stepmom can be written at any time. But it is good to update the biological mom of important events in the child’s life.
How to write a letter to biological mom from stepmom?
– Organize your thoughts before starting the letter. It is very easy to write a scathing letter to a biological mom for something that said or done. But such things could make the child suffer. Always have a clear picture of what you want to say and how you want the message to come across.
– Choose the occasions to write the letter wisely. If a biological mom has supported you in a cause don’t hold off on expressing your appreciation.
– Be informal in the letter. This letter is going to be read by someone you know. So keep the language simple.
– The biological mom also has the right to know what is going on in their child’s life. Be sure to write to her about important events and milestones that the child goes through. Include photos or mementos along with the letter. It Is sure to bring a smile on her face, and she will be eternally thankful to you.
What are some tips to keep in mind while writing the letter to biological mom from stepmom?
– A child can have a healthy relationship with both the biological mom and the step mom
A child is perfectly capable of handling both relationships if they are allowed to. The biological mom and step mom have to realize that the roles they play in their child’s life is mutually exclusive and undeniable. The role of a stepmom is always in addition to that of the biological mother.
– Openness to talk and communicate about the child both are raising.
Everyone has a different way of raising their children. A stepmom might not like some things a child says or does. A stepmom must have the freedom to talk to the biological mom about these things. The stepmom and biological mom also have to have the openness to listen and understand the emotion behind the discussion. Writing a letter about these things can often help.
– There is no place for jealousy when raising a child.
A stepmom is not in the family to take the mother’s place. Instead, she is trying to make a place for herself. If ever there is a discord in the family like jealousy it should be put to rest immediately by discussing it among themselves or by enlisting help. If the biological mom has given that space and consideration to a stepmom it is important to recognize it by writing to her.
– Understanding that the stepmom is going to be a parent too.
Being a stepmom is difficult and it takes a lot to be a good stepmom. Sometimes it is important to appreciate that effort. Societal pressure is such that if the child makes a mistake the biological mother is given the benefit of the doubt. On the other hand a stepmom is branded as being uncaring towards the child. If the biological mom has done a good job at being a supportive parent writing a letter and telling her as much will mean a lot to her.
Sample letters to birth mother from adopted child
Example 1
Dear Rose,
I am writing this letter to you after a lot of deliberation but it is necessary to explain my point of view. The last time we met, I sensed some awkwardness between us with regards to the children. And ever since I thought of making few things clear to you and hence the reason for writing this letter.
First of all, please know this for sure, I am not trying to replace you in your children’s life. You are their mother and they love you more than they love me. And honestly, that is how it should be. You have the primary right to make decision for your kids. I may not agree with your decisions always but I can assure you I will certainly respect your views. On my part, I adore your kids and I just want to shower them with love and happiness. I have grown up in a positive loving environment and I know the importance of a family. And honestly, I want to create the same environment for your children in our house.
It’s understandable that you may not trust your children with a complete stranger. But please have faith in me. Since we have agreed on co-parenting the children let us support each other in this journey. Children need only love, together we can provide them with a happy childhood.
Yours truly,
Lisa
Example 2
Dear Kate,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. I am writing this letter to say Thank you for raising two wonderful and absolutely adorable kids.
It has been over a month that I moved in to your old house with George. He was very clear that the kids should be our priority and I have to support him in co-parenting the kids. To be honest, I was very scared and apprehensive. Raising children is not an easy job and that too teenage kids can be quite a trouble. I also knew it would be difficult for the kids to accept me. But to my surprise the journey so far has been quite smooth and easy. On my very first day, the children had planned for a welcome party for me, and they had invited their friends as well. We immediately warmed up to each other, and I was very touched with this gesture.
Joey and Sarah are one of the most well-behaved kids that I have met. They have accepted mine and George’s relationship with a lot of maturity. They treat me with love and respect and that is all I expect from them. George tells me that Joey and Sarah are a reflection of you and it is your upbringing and values that have shaped them into such wonderful kids. I am very lucky to get an opportunity to co-parent them.
I know it is not easy for you to stay away from the children. I just wanted to let you know that I although I am their stepmom but I will provide them with as much love and care as possible. I will hold the children dear to my heart and always be by their side. Hope to meet you soon. Until then, take care.
Love,
Sasha
Example 3
Dear Jane,
I am writing this letter to make certain things clear between the two us. Please understand I don’t see you as my competition. You are the biological mother of Lisa and I have no intention of taking your place in her life. But you also need to accept my position in her life. I want to be a healthy addition in your child’s life and not replace you. Whether biological mom or step mom, we are both mothers in the eyes of our children. Lisa is lucky to receive not one but the love and affection of two mothers.
We may not agree with each other always. But our differences shouldn’t come in our way of parenting. We should rise above our differences and choose the best for Lisa. All I expect from you is to respect my views and my way of parenting. Instead of creating problems for each other, we should work together to provide a healthy, positive and loving atmosphere to our child.
Why don’t we make a fresh start to our relationship? If you are free next week, let’s meet for coffee. I know how much you love Lisa and trust me I do not love her any less. So, for this little angle, let’s work together and be the best parent to her.
Yours truly,
Chiara
Example 4
Dear Mary,
I am writing this letter to you to say Thank you for attending Jim’s soccer tournament. When I called you for help, you did not even hesitate once and you immediately agreed to attend it. I know it must not have been easy for you to cancel your meetings but you managed the situation very well.
This soccer tournament meant a lot to Jim and I had promised him to attend it. But unfortunately my sister met with an accident and I had to rush to the hospital. I was feeling extremely guilty of not being able to attend the tournament. I knew Jim would be very upset on not seeing me there but I didn’t want him to feel lonely on such an important day. Every kids parent would be coming to support them and its obvious Jim would be expecting someone from his family as well. I am so glad and thankful that you could make it.
This is not the first time you have extended your support when I was in need. People think that the relationship between a biological mom and a step mom is full of hatred. But I am glad our relationship is based on mutual trust and respect. I feel Jim is extremely lucky to receive the love of two mothers. I only hope and pray that together we can continue to provide a happy, loving and comfortable upbringing to Jim.
Love,
Clara.
Example 5
Dear Linda,
I am writing this letter to have a frank conversation with you. I always believe in sorting out differences rather than holding grudges. A healthy relationship between the two of us will have a positive impact on our children. So, it’s important to address some issues I have been facing off lately with you.
It is not easy when a child grows up in two different homes as the parenting style will be different. Peter and I have always respected your views and decisions with regard to Sam. If you want Sam to go to bed early, I will certainly respect that and try to maintain that schedule. If you have communicated a routine of Sam that you wish me to follow I will definitely try my best to follow that. Please understand that sometimes the rules may be changed, and we as parents are also capable of taking some decisions. If we are changing some rules it’s not that we are not doing it on purpose or showing disrespect to you.
I will always try to take into consideration your parenting style, please trust me on that.
Yours truly,
Sophie.
We hope this article gives you some inspiration as a stepmom to write letters to a biological mom.
