If as an adopted child you wish to contact your birth mother there are a few things to keep in mind. This article will illustrate how best to write a letter to a birth mother from an adopted child.
Getting to know you are adopted can be emotionally overwhelming. It is in our nature to be angry at the thought of someone not wanted to keep a child they have given birth. But until we get to know the birth mother and her life circumstances during the birth it is best to reserve any judgement.
What is a letter to birth mother from adopted child?
A letter to birth mother from adopted child is an initial contact medium so that the conversation can continue to a more meaningful form.
If you so wish to contact your birth mother through a letter, it is important to note that this will be your first contact with her. Your relationship with this person might continue for a long time after you make contact. So, it is paramount that the letter is written in the right way.
Why must you send a letter to birth mother from adopted child?
It is always a better idea for the adopted child to initiate the conversation with the birth mother. That is why you as the adopted child should send the letter.
There may be several reasons why your birth mother has refrained from contacting you first. She might not know whether you are aware that you are adopted. She might have tried to contact your adopted parents who might have discouraged her from contacting you. She might have felt that you would be angry and might reject any contact from her.
There is also a possibility that she may not contact you even after receiving the letter. Her current family might not be aware of your existence. She could have been so overwhelmed upon receiving the letter that she may not know how to respond. But when you write the letter do not think about whether she will respond or not. Only try to make a very good first impression.
When should you send your letter to birth mother from adopted child?
The letter to birth mother from adopted child must not be written in haste. Proper thought must be given before sending the letter. A little bit of research before writing the letter would also help. There is no fixed timeline for writing this letter since it is a very emotional and difficult decision.
How to write a letter to birth mother from adopted child?
The object of the letter is to establish contact with your birth mother. Be honest and sincere. Keep in mind that this letter is bound to open a lot of emotions the birth mother has suppressed for a long time. Some of the considerations on how to write a letter to birth mother from adopted child are mentioned below.
– Keep the letter concise and not too long. Aim for a couple of pages and not more. The idea is not to overwhelm her with every detail of your life.
– A handwritten letter is a much better first communication than a typed letter. There are a lot of things she can gauge from a handwritten letter. Your choice of paper or color of ink, handwriting – will give her an insight into the person you are. She might have similar choices too.
– Be sure to include some details about your current standing. Include educational qualifications, current occupation, whether you are married or still single and whether you have any children. You can include other details about the city you are currently residing. If you are contacting her for any medical reasons you can include that as well. You can mention how long you have been searching for her or how long you have been waiting to contact her.
– If you have any particular interests or hobbies you can include those as well. If you play any sport or have a particular skill with a musical instrument you can include that. She might have had similar interests too as a young adult or maybe your birth father did. If you have a liking for travelling or photography be sure to mention such activities as well.
– You can talk about your upbringing with your adoptive parents. If you have had a good childhood please do mention that. All birth mothers have some guilt and such details are sure to alleviate some of it. But don’t go on talking about your adoptive parents. More details about them can be included in subsequent correspondences.
– Include some photographs of yourself and your family too. You can provide photographs from various stages of your childhood along with a current photograph. If you are married and have children include their photos as well. If you have any personality traits that you consider unique please do mention those. It will be easier for the birth mother to associate with you if she also has similar traits.
– Include multiple ways for her to contact you if she chooses to. You can provide your phone numbers, email IDs, address details and if you have a social media presence do share them with her. Before she contacts you can look into those profiles and get a sense of the person you are. She will appreciate these details.
– Sign the letter as Your Son or Your daughter. You do not need to address her as Mother but do sign it as her child.
– Always send the first communication through registered post. That way she has to sign to receive it. If there is no response to your letter you can also track to see who has received the letter. There is a possibility that she never received the letter.
What are some tips to keep in mind while writing the letter to birth mother from adopted child?
Previously we have discussed how to write the letter to birth mother from adopted child. Below are some tips on what not to include while writing the letter.
Apart from being sensitive to her emotional state there are a few things you can do by not including them in your letter.
– There is no need to address her as Mother in the first communication. You can do so after getting to know her better. You might be dying to use that moniker but first check whether she is comfortable with you addressing her as mother.
– Her decision to give you up was her own. You might have had a wonderful childhood with your adopted parents. But your letter should not be a thank you to her for giving you up.
– Ask for information about her well-being too. But phrase the questions in a non-interrogative manner. All the information she shares with you should be voluntary and from the heart.
– Do not talk about your financial standing. She should not get the impression that you are showing off or that you are only reaching out to her for money.
– You do not need to bring up the birth father in your letter. Since you do not know if they are still together or even whether they are in touch, there is no point bringing him into the conversation.
– Do not contact her friends or relatives before contacting her first. She might not have acknowledged your existence to anyone and it is always best to reach out to her first.
Sample letters to birth mother from adopted child
Dear Mrs. Parker,
My name is Peter Jones. I was born in xxx hospital, New Jersey on 14th May 1985 and I believe you were the mother who gave me up for adoption. I got your contact details from the adoption center.
I was adopted by Jack and Mary Jones. I completed my schooling from xxx school, New Jersey and I graduated from xxx college. I live in Washington and work with a Multi-National company. I am married and I have two lovely kids.
My adopted parents have provided me with a very happy childhood. I grew up in a warm and loving environment. My parents tell me that I was a naughty and mischievous kid. There are many funny anecdotes that my momma narrates to me. I loved painting since childhood and I still follow that passion. If we ever meet, I would love to show you some of my artworks. This is a bit about my personal life.
If you are my birth mother , I would like to be in touch with you and would love to meet you eventually. But of course, I will not contact you unless you agree. I want to know you and that would mean a lot to me. I also want to find answers to some questions I have had all my life. I am sharing my contact details and address. Hoping to hear from you soon.
Dear Miss Mooney,
My name is Sarah. I always think of you during this time of the year. Its 29th Aug and its my birthday. The intention of writing this letter is not out of anger or hatred but genuinely wanting to know my birth mother. I have been adopted Mr. and Mrs. James. It was an open adoption and I always knew I was adopted. I am glad that this wasn’t kept as a secret.
My adopted parents have showered me with unconditional love and care. They already had two sons when I came to their lives. They wanted a daughter to complete their family and that’s when they adopted me from xxx orphanage. We are like any normal family. My two elder brothers have been very protective of me, and we share a very strong bond. I consider myself very lucky of having grown up in loving and warm family.
During my teen years I often had the desire and the urge to meet my birth mother. There are many questions which are unanswered, and they keep troubling me till this day. I want to meet you and have a heart-to-heart talk. I understand you have moved on in your life and may not want to revisit your past. But, I would be grateful if you could meet me at least once. I am sure you had your reasons for putting me up for adoption, I just want to hear your side of the story. Hoping that you will agree to my request.
Dear Mrs. Kimberly,
My name is Rose and I believe you are my birth mother. I was adopted by Henry and Clara Smith. I got to know about my adoption two years ago. Since then not a day passes by when I don’t think about my birth mother.
Initially when the news was shared with me I was filled with a myriad of emotions. Initially there was a lot of anger and hatred. I felt cheated and lost. But my adopted parents were a great support. Not even for a second I doubted their love and affection towards me. Over the past two years I have matured a lot and have come to the understanding that there must a strong reason you decided to part with me.
I want to meet you because I feel that meeting you will put to rest all the anxiety and unanswered questions I have. I am hoping you too would want to meet me and see how I have grown up.
Dear Mrs Jones,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. My name is Sam and I got to know recently that you are my birth mother. I have always known about my adoption so when your identity was revealed to me, I was quite excited that I finally got to know about my birth mother.
I really want to know you but I understand you have a personal life and I don’t intend to gate crash it without your permission. I am sure you had your reasons on deciding to put me up for adoption. I do not have any complaints as I have been blessed with the best adopted parents a child could ever ask for. But, out of curiosity I want to meet my birth mother. I am hoping you also want to see how I turned up to be.
I have enclosed my visiting card with this letter. It’ll be wonderful if I get to hear your voice or receive a letter from you.
Waiting with anticipation.
Dear Ms Parker,
My name is John Davidson. I was born in St Johns Paediatric Centre in Portland, Oregon on the 25th of February 1986. I am writing to you because you may be my mother. I got your details from the adoption center.
My adopted parents are Peter and Molly Davidson. I am their only child. I grew up in Portland and completed my schooling there. I am a chess player and got a scholarship to study in Chicago where I currently stay.
I majored in History and I teach Chess in an institute. I have always had a liking for chess even though neither of my adopted parents play the game. I am married with two kids – a girl and a boy. My daughter Eve is 4 years old and my son Sam is 1 year old. My wife, Karen teaches kindergarten. We live in Chicago and like to travel to the countryside on weekends and holidays.
I have included a picture of all of us together from a camping trip.
If you are my birth mother, I will like it very much to be in touch with you. I am including my phone number and my residential and email addresses here. I will not contact you further if you do not wish to be in touch. If you would like to get in touch as much as I do please do call or write back.
My Contact details:
6366 Milwaukee Avenue
Chicago, IL 60444
(773) 753 0644